"A just in case shit fund has nothing to do with trust."
It tickles me that I get so much flack for that statement from my married friends and cohorts. I don't see anything wrong with having a separate account that Penny funds outside of her normal financial responsibilities. As long as the bills are paid, what's your problem?
"It's dishonest." He knows about it.
"It's like you don't trust him." I trust this man and his role in my life.
"Are you expecting something to happen? I mean, it's like signing a prenuptial agreement." He replaced Ma Dukes as the beneficiary on the account the next business day.
"Why can't you just ask him for..." *blank stare*
And on and on. Oh, it hasn't changed anything with me, as I had this account way before jumping the broom. We merged finances, sure, but I didn't see a need to close the account altogether or add him to it. We pretty much balance each other out when it comes to saving, spending, investing, etc. There was a discussion years ago when a bank statement showed up in the mail (way before online banking, a beautiful, wonderful thing, btw) about why I still had the account to which I explained (a) it had a bomb diggity credit card attached to it with great rates at the time, (b) it was closer to my favorite mall and (c) it was close to Ma Dukes an'em, you know, just in case shit..
It wasn't a deal breaker for either of us. If he felt a certain type of way about me not trusting him he never let on about it. Is that a man thing? I don't know.
Ma Dukes didn't raise no fool. I was privy to much of the deterioration of my parents' marriage, finances being one of too many obstacles for them to overcome. Her struggles as a single parent having to literally start over were not lost on me and plays a big part in me holding on to what's mine. Besides, it doesn't hold an astronomical amount of money, but just enough. She didn't advocate hiding money from your spouse, only keeping something for a rainy day for yourself. That was a part of our conversation along with "keep the Pastor and his minions out of your relationship."
I don't think most people go into a marriage thinking 'when' not 'if' concerning divorce, hopefully due diligence is done by both parties before saying 'I do', but we all know what can happen (irreconcilable differences, anyone?). Might as well be semi-prepared. Just my $.02...