Friday, November 19, 2010

Call of Duty Too

What's up with absentee fathers forging a relationship way past the diapers, formula, first words, first steps, first day of school?  Like, maybe he can relate to him/her now and explain his absence. Why punish the child because you didn't want to be responsible?  I'm not just talking about the no-job-havin-multiple-baby-mama knuckleheads either.
Moving cross country or halfway 'round the world is a piss poor excuse for being MIA;  too many forms of communication exist.  Those formative years can be hell on a single mama (cue all things teenager-y).  Kids need more than financial support, especially the males.  They have more than their fair share of strikes just for being who they are.

I have a friend whose son's father has four kids with four different women.  Her child is the oldest, and they were together-together for a couple of years after his birth.  He's probably seen this child a total of three times in the ten years since they split up.  She had to go through hell and high water to get c.s. (and boy did he cut.the.fool when he got that next paycheck, tehehe). 

Still, when he comes home on leave, he finds time to visit every child except my friend's, but he (the child) loves him in spite of the random contact.  Imagine that?   Meanwhile, she's worried about her child's timidity, his lack of interest in sports, will history repeat itself, will he even like girls. WTF?  What does all that have to do with his deadbeat daddy?  He could be in that boy's life and it wouldn't change a thing other than he'd be in his life. I think she's a tad bit confused about what a dad is/supposed to be. From the outside looking in, her son seems to be better off without him.  He's a great kid with exceptional manners and he makes good grades. She's done an amazing job raising him to be a man, and as long as she does what she's supposed to do, he'll be fine.


BigmacInPittsburgh said...

I give your friend her props for doing all that she has done to guide her son.
A boy needs a man in his life who will give him the lowdown on what being a man is about.
For many,myself inclued it wasn't always the biological father giving that much needed advice.
The the things I tell younger people now days is when they become interested in another person and you decide to have sex,the first question you should ask yourself is would this person make a good father or mother.
That advice is not usually taken until after the fact.
But we have to begin to seriously evaluate the people we have sex with on a higher level,then looks!

Penny Wize said...

"A boy needs a man in his life who will give him the lowdown on what being a man is about."

This right 'chea, Big Mac!

Sonny boy has clearly dodged a bullet from this man's absence, and she knows this. IMO, the real issue is she's still pining over this loser and using his absence in their lives as a cover up. That's a whole 'notha blog post.

BigmacInPittsburgh said...

Mulling over a lost love,oh how I can relate,drowning myself in a bottle,midnight calls hoping shes changed her mind and misses me!
What a waste of time it was for me.
But for each of us we handle lost loves differently,having a good friend who will tell you the truth and hold you up is the best you can do for a person.

Reggie said...

Nice thought provoking post.

If I live to be 100, I'll never understand how a so called man can make a child and then move on as if he's Johnny Appleseed spreading apples around the country. I have two children, today is my son's 21st birthday and you can bet I was on the phone with him last night at 11pm wishing him a very happy birthday. He's a college student and I'm expecting him to be home today. If his sister, who is also a college student isn't home today, I'll go get her tomorrow night when I get home from work. I HAVE to communicate with my children on a regular basis. I do that for me, just as much as I do that for them. If their mother and I hadn't still been together, I'd have still done that. I don't understand people. That's THEIR children, their own flesh and blood.

The more I know niggers, the more I like roaches.

Penny Wize said...

If more of these seed droppers took a more active, positive role in their kids lives, there would be less of a need for building more prisons.
Deadbeat parents ('cause there are a # of triflin' mamas out there too) are the scum of the earth.

Adoption of Jane said...